Ultimate Hot Cocoa @ Schmoozies

Price: $2.99

When: May 7, 2016, 3:10 PM

Reservations: n/a

Verdict? Not recommended

One of the rules of Disneyland Eats is “commodities don’t count.” We aren’t reviewing stuff you can get outside the parks. This excludes obvious stuff – Coca-Cola, Doritos – but our blue-ribbon panel of judges has ruled that “no commodities” also applies to garden-variety beverages like tea and coffee. We can skip generics.

One exception to the “no commodity” rule is when a restaurant names their commodity. If you’ve got “World-Famous Coffee” or something, then we’ll try it. Regular old coffee? Not so much.

Which leads to today’s review: “Ultimate Hot Cocoa” (italics added) from the fine folks at Schmoozies.

I was excited to try this.

When you put the word “ultimate” in the name of your dish, you’re throwing down a marker. Making a statement. You’re setting expectations. You’re calling out your stuff as special, full of surprise.

Not the case.

This is unremarkable hot chocolate. It comes straight out of a machine. There’s a bit of whipped cream parked on top, courtesy of a pressurized can. (I watched them apply it.)

The best thing about this dish is the chocolate shavings on the whipped cream: reasonably fresh, good flavor. But that’s it.

I don’t recommend this beverage. There’s nothing remotely “ultimate” about it. It’s straight-up, slightly-watery hot chocolate. You could find this drink in a vending machine anywhere in America. Give it a pass.