Grilled Chicken & Feta Salad @ Smokejumpers Grill

Price: $9.99

When: December 17, 2016, 12:45 PM

Reservations: n/a

Verdict? Not recommended

In addition to their various (and not-very-good) burgers (please see: Chicken Burger, Garden Burger, Bacon Cheddar), Smokejumpers Grill also offers … a salad?

I mean, seriously. The entire menu is practically a hymn to the Glory Of The Burger. It’s burgers, fries, onion rings, shakes. Even the kids’ meals are small burgers. And yet, there it is: the Grilled Chicken & Feta salad, hanging (hiding?) out in the middle of the menu.

So, of course, I order it.

The first thing they do after you order the salad (other than doing a double-take and saying “Pardon?”) is ask what kind of dressing you want. It’s the usual list: honey mustard, blue cheese, ranch, etc. I go with ranch.

Ranch, I’m told, can be had at the condiment bar. Help myself. (Apparently, had I ordered any of the other dressings, it would have arrived in a refrigerated packet. Good times.)

The salad arrives. I head to the table, and inspect the goods.

The presentation is pretty bland. It’s pure, unadulterated airport cold case, here: a bed of lettuce, pre-chopped tomato, small chunks of chicken, some feta, a blanket of wontons. It all sits on an inexpensive black plastic tray, cool to the touch (read: clearly right from the fridge).

There is zero, zero, zero love in this salad. The chicken is really mild. The wontons are soggy. The feta cheese (when I can find it) is like soft chalk. The tomatoes are watery, flavorless texture. And the lettuce itself is meh. It’s almost like they designed this salad to make non-burger-eaters sad. If you must eat this, your best strategy is to hose the thing down in dressing, and hope for the best.

Not recommended.